


Teed Off

by merelypassingtime



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Crack, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, I'm Sorry, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 01:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16546211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merelypassingtime/pseuds/merelypassingtime
Summary: Venom is not a fan of Eddie's new shirt.





	Teed Off

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Teed Off](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/431384) by Schadenfiend. 



When the package arrived Eddie was excited, Venom was suspicious.

**Eddie… we didn’t order anything.**

“No, we didn’t, but I did.”

**How?!**

“You were too wrapped up watching Buffy at the time to notice when I ordered it.”

**I was not!**

“Were too, I made sure to do it when Angel died.”

**She stabbed him in the heart! It was so sad!**

“I know, love. I know. I should’ve made you wait three months to watch the next season like I had to.”

**I would have eaten your organs until you let me watch the rest.**

“No, you wouldn’t have.”

Grudgingly, Venom admitted, **No, I wouldn’t have. But I would’ve made you jump into another lobster tank.**

“Okay, yeah. You totally would’ve done that. Lucky I didn’t make you wait though, it gave me a chance to have this made.”

During the conversation Eddie had brought the padded envelope into the apartment’s small kitchen and used a knife to cut through the thick plastic. Now he proudly held up a black tee shirt. Across the front it read:

_I went to the Life Foundation and all I got was this stupid parasite._

Eddie smiled, waiting for the explosion.

He was not disappointed.

**I’m not a parasite!** Venom all but shrieked, annoyance and indignation bleeding through their bond, just like Eddie had planned. What he wasn’t expecting was the thread of hurt under the anger.

Instantly contride, Eddie reached out with his mind, sending love and reassurance, “Ah, baby. Don’t be sad. It is just a pet name, Vee.”

**I am not a pet either!**

“No, I know,” Eddie said soothingly. Trying to lighten the mood he continued, “If you were I’d have taken you to the vet long ago to see if neutering would help your aggression.”

The indignant squeaking noise that followed made Eddie smile again even as he waved his hands in front of them in negation. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, love. No a ‘pet name’ is just a term of endearment, like when I call you ‘love’ or ‘darling.’”

**I like it when you call me love, but I hate being called parasite.**

“Yeah, I know you do. That’s why it’s so funny.”

**That’s because you are the parasite, Eddie. Here I am working so hard to keep you safe and not even eating your organs, and you won’t let me eat people.**

“We eat people all the time!”

**Not all the time. Maybe once a month.**

“That’s still a lot of people, Vee.”

**No, it’s not. Not when there are billions and billions of people in the world.**

Rolling his eyes, Eddie admitted, “Fair point. Okay, you’re right, I’m the parasite.”

**Damn right.**

“Do you want me to get you a little shirt that says, ‘I came to Earth and all I got was this loser host’?”

**No.**

“Okay then-” Eddie started, but Venom interrupted him.

**I’d look better in a hat.**

Eddie sighed.

 

A month later, when the hat arrived, they went to the bit of coast that had the best view of the Golden Gate Bridge and took a selfie, Venom wearing it and Eddie in his shirt. When they got home Eddie insisted on printing it immediately and hanging it next to their bed. Venom pretended not to care, but Eddie could feel his own happiness whenever he saw it.

**Author's Note:**

> Now with artwork by the amazing Schadenfiend!
> 
> https://schadenfiend.tumblr.com/post/179920395072/look-spidersurfer-i-did-it-from


End file.
